Me vs God: TRUST ME MY TIMING IS NEVER WRONG!

My passion for this blog and ministry is to be vulnerable enough that it reaches the hearts of others in a way that helps God heal their hearts. With that said I am going to be very vulnerable today....(pray for me) :)

_____________________________________

I am often asked if I want more kids "someday", you know when I meet my husband and get married. My reply is always I will cross that bridge when it comes, but if my husband is ok with my two blessings, then I am ok with no more kids. I am blessed with 2 beautiful children. They are smart, kind, loving and simply put amazing! I have been truly blessed to be called Mom the last 11 years. Which leads me into where God has been working in my heart lately.....

Maternal Clock (biological clock) vs. Manternal Clock (Husband Clock)

Woman especially are know for having a maternal clock  that starts ticking about age 30...that strong desire to be a mother, a caregiver and so on..... I have always joked that I don't have one because I already have kids. What I didn't realize is that I do have one its just a Manternal Clock (a desire for a husband) and its a ticking!!!!!!

As I reach age 35 my strong desire to be a wife is creeping up on me and I am not prepared! I have spent many moons praying, asking, seeking, for answers from God as to why I am still single. He has finally answered loud and clear and over and over again. I mean if I did not get the message the first time He made sure to send me 50 more messages!

Here is just a few of the things He has told me.....

Sarah ....you are not ready, your heart is not in order, your heart has not healed, you deserve the BEST, you are precious to Me, you are My child, you are deserving, you are beautiful, the one I have isn't ready for you, TRUST ME MY TIMING IS NEVER WRONG!

I could give you countless stories of how He has spoken this to me through songs, friends, family, my Pastor, my Therapist and complete strangers lately. Ill give you the one from my Pastor...this past Sunday was Mother's day and I was asked to aid the Speaker for church that day, which is a great honor and privileged to do; and also means you have to sit in the front row and be on time for church (something I need to work on).

My Pastor was making announcements like usual and was excited to tell us all that we finally closed on a permanent church location.  He went on to talk about how we have been in negotiations for this building for 1.5 years and that at one point we as a church had walked away from that location as a possibility at all. However, my Pastor still felt strongly that this was to be our new home....so he would spend countless hours driving around the building praying that God would move the Mountains and Part the Waters for us, if it was in fact His Will. In March of this year they contacted our church and said they were willing to talk numbers. June 2016 we will be in our new House of Worship!!!!!

Here is where God said.....SARAH listen.

June 2013 was when we moved into our temporary location...a place where every week we unpack and repack our stuff, because we meet in a school cafeteria. One and half years ago we were ready to move out and God said No...you aren't ready, you aren't prepared TRUST ME MY TIMING IS NEVER WRONG!

3 years to the date we will be moving into our new home....3 years of preparing, 3 years of praying, seeking, asking and faithfulness to His Word. My Pastor finished by saying "someone here needs to hear this ....whatever it is that you are waiting on; God says...you are not ready...His timing is Perfect!

It was in that moment that it hit me like a ton of bricks my Manternal Clock was consuming me, and I was exhausted. See as much as I have a strong desire to be a wife. I have an even stronger desire to follow the Lord in all walks of life. So, in that moment I laid my desires of my heart down at the Cross and walked away. Because if that day ever comes when I become a wife I want to be ready, I want to be prepared, I want to have my heart open to love without fear or regret.

So, whatever clock that is inside of you ticking away...Career, Babies, Spouse, Financial, and so on.... don't let it consume you and steal your joy.....TRUST ME GOD'S TIMING IS NEVER WRONG! Lay it down at the foot of the Cross and give it over to the Lord. Let Him hold onto your clock.....

This Song is a great example of what I have been feeling ever since Mother's Day....My prayer for you is that it will touch your heart and help you heal too. May you always remember you are Loved and Cherished by our Heavenly Father and He wants nothing more then to give you the very best...when His Timing is Right!




The Bible says "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24 

Lord prepare me for this day, and for this responsibility.

God Bless,

Sarah

I'm Only Human......God is Still GOD

This past week was an especially hard one for me, as I was wrestling with an issue that I believe I am not alone in.......

Let me back up for a moment and say..... I love my crazy beautiful never dull life!

With that said....Have you ever struggled with being a great career woman and a great mother?

This has been a struggle of mine for many years, however lately I feel pulled in 1000's different directions. In an ever changing, and fast pace environment that we live in...I find it normal to be "chasing the carrot" around and around. I recently started working for a company that is very much a race to the finish line type of work environment, and I found myself struggling to keep up. Long hours, little sleep and not seeing my kids started to become the normal for our household.

I hated it...

This past Thursday I found myself wrestling with what was more important. To have an amazing career with the potential to make "lots" of money and hardly be home; or have a career that gives me a better home/work life.

So, what do I do when I am stressed....Head to the Gym!

As, I sat in the hot tub listening to my music and my mind racing with all these different thoughts. A song came on (I know I have used lyrics before in my blog...however its one way God talks to me so go with it). Here are the lyrics to the song HUMAN by Christina Perri

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah

I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human

I can take so much
Until I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah

Now researching this song I discovered it is about a dating relationship, however for me in that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

For me it was about my relationship with God...I am sitting there searching for the answers and how I need to figure out how to do everything and be everything when I am ONLY HUMAN! I felt God telling me...STOP Sarah...I made you human not ME....if I wanted you to be perfect, if I wanted you to be everything I would have made you....ME! So, stop trying to be anything more then exactly what I created you to be.....Beautifully and Wonderfully made in My Image....not ME. 

So, to all the women out there struggling to keep the work load in check, the house in check and the family in check....to the women out there who when they are at work, are feeling guilty for not being at home and when they are at home feeling guilty for not being at work. STOP IT!!!! 

YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN.....Beautiful in every-way....Strong in every-way and Unique in every-way... but let GOD Be GOD...Let Him handle things....

My life verse continues to be Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord." 

My prayer for you this week is that you see God's plans in your life and that as you head into this crazy beautiful life we live in, you never forget He made us Human for a reason. 

God Bless,

Sarahlynn  

Disconnection with God

Ring....Ring....God are you there?......

Answer: If you would like to make a call please hang up and try again.........


Have you ever felt this way? So disconnected from God that its like every time you pray or worship or think about God its like dead silence on the other end......

For two plus years I have felt just like this, that no matter how hard I try I just cant get reconnected with the Man up stairs. I pray...I worship...(Kinda) and I believe He is God. So, where did this disconnection come from?

Did I do something to make Him mad at me? Did I talk in church or swear to much that He decided I wasn't worth His time? Or maybe its because I'm not the best tither........
I have spent many days praying and asking for the connection to be back and that He would answer my calls....and still NOTHING.

Then one day I realized....maybe its not that He isn't there when I pray or worship....maybe its that I'm not there. I have checked out, I changed my number and didn't forward it on to Him.

Could God be waiting on me to get my act together and stop blaming Him for everything. What happened two plus years ago that made me close my heart to Him? Ah yes, I remember Lies, Back Stabbing and Broken Hearts....

I blamed God for all this and felt like some how He should have protected me from all of it. The truth is He tried to I just refused to listen. I wanted what I wanted and nothing He said was going to change that. I hung up the phone on God. I stopped communication, I changed my number and I ignored Him.

So now I am turning my heart back on, I am opening my eyes and I am seeing His Truth. The disconnection is still very real, and that is my issue to bare. If you or anyone you love ever feels disconnected from God, believe in His love enough to know that its probably you that has disconnected. He tells us so simply to come to Him...anytime....any place.....His line is never disconnected from us.

May God Bless You.

Sarahlynn

God, Isaiah & Christian Joseph

Wow how times goes fast when your're having fun.....

My last blog talked about a very eye opening time in my life and letting go of hope for someone who was never coming back. The best part about that experience was how much God loved me through it and how much He taught me about myself, my desires, my dreams and most importantly what it means to be a partner to someone else.

In August of 2011, I was able to move forward with my dreams of some day meeting a man worth my time. Though we had known each other for about 9 months before hand its was August that started the next chapter of my life and him in it. I was finally released to love again, to dream again and to be open to more then just the idea of finding my other half.

Isaiah and I started dating with the idea that we would see what happens...what neither of us expected to find was a friendship, love and partnership that was centered with God. Now, we have had our moments......don't get me wrong. We aren't perfect and neither is our relationship, but it is the best thing God has ever blessed me with. I have found a man who not only gets me, but also loves me for me. I didn't just jump to this conclusion one day, it was slowly reveled to me by God. There are conversations that I have only had with God about what I desire in a man and what I desire in a relationship. For years I longed to find that and even in my relationship with my ex-fiance I didn't have the whole package of what God and I had talked about during my prayer times.

In March of 2012, Isaiah and I found out that I was pregnant and would be expecting a child come November. This was a very challenging and hard time for us both...many reasons why, one being our walk with the Lord was obviously struggling (though that is a blog for a different time) I will share that journey some day soon. Needless to say, it is now October and our little bundle of joy is coming soon! :)

Christian Joseph is scheduled to arrive around Thanksgiving and when he does I will be thankful for so much this year. I PRAISE and THANK GOD for my family....Brooklynn Rose my daughter is the biggest joy of my life, My Mother is the encourager that keeps me moving everyday, Isaiah is the man I ask God for years to bless me with and Christian Joseph is the unexpected blessing that is growing in my belly.

So to all the Women out there who think God may not be hearing your deepest desires or thoughts...I send you encouragement, He hears you and keep your eyes out for the man you think....we will see what happens, could just be Gods blessing in the making.

Angry with God...He Loves Me Anyways

Dear Blog Friends,

The last couple of weeks have been a rough ones for me. I have been struggling in my faith and very angry with God...Or at least the situation at the moment. I received news that I knew would be coming sooner or later, but still rocked my world. For the last two plus years I have been holding onto hope that God would move this really big mountain in my life. This mountain was keeping someone I loved a lot out of my life and the only way to have this person back was if God were to move the "mountain" between us.


However, the hope I had of this happening was lost a few weeks ago. At first I was in shock and numb to any emotions that had to do with this situation. After, a few days I became really angry. At first I didn't realize I was angry about it or that I was angry with God about it. Once I did come to this realization I had two options. Sit in my anger and pout or move forward with God and heal from it all. Lets just say I spent a few days pouting.

I knew what I was feeling were the different stages of grief that come with a death or a loss. However, I didn't know when or where I would move from anger to grief to acceptance. God did though and He was with me ever step of the way even though I wasn't ready to talk to Him yet.

One morning I was listening to Pandora Radio when a song came on that helped me to hear from God. In the mist of the song God broke the chains of anger that were holding me down. I sat in my car and cried at the loss of my loved one, loss of hope for his return, and the loss of a future together. I was overcome with emotion and it felt amazing to release the anger that had been building up inside of me.

Here are the Lyrics 

By Your Side 
By Tenth Ave North

 

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Amazing.....Right! I never turned away from God even when I was extremely angry. Instead I actually turned towards Him. See God wants nothing more then a relationship with us. If I had pretending like everything was ok, God already knew that it wasn't. By me expressing my feelings and hurt in prayer, He was able to continue to Love me and draw near to me. He was by my side the entire time. His love is unfailing and unconditional. If you are ever struggling with being angry about a situation in your life that is unfair or hurtful...read these lyrics out loud and know that God is by your side. He will never let you go and He loves you more then anything. Stay obedient to Him and He will bless you even if the blessing doesn't have that really big mountain moved for you. In His Love,SarahlynnThis Blog is dedicated to Wesley and Ashley...may your engagement and marriage be filled with God in every way. May He bring you two more blessings then you could ever imagine and may your life together be light into the World.

Sex...Sex...Sex...

Lets talk about sex...shall we. On Saturday night I went to church and it simply amazing how God just knows me all to well. Anyways, the topic at church was single and sex...there was some other stuff in there as well, but for me sex and single was what related to my current situation.

As I sat in the chair listening to the woman on stage talking about being 40, single, and enjoying every minute of it. I couldn't help but say you're full of it!!!!

There is no hiding that people having sex before marriage is considered "wrong" amongst the Christian community. However, the church is really good at pretending like its an easy thing to accomplish...waiting till marriage that is to have sex. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying go out and sex it up...what I'm saying is lets stop sugar coating it and lets start being real. I don't care who you are...if you have tasted the fruit at all ...ya want the fruit again. And there within lies the STRUGGLE!!!!

As this woman at church went on to say how she loved being single and how she "hears" sex is good in marriage that is. I wanted to say...who the heck is this encouraging? I don't feel refreshed or encouraged...I feel like she is either lying to me or to herself or maybe both. In the Bible Paul writes "but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corithians 7:9
I promised on this blog to always be real to myself and to you all. So here it goes...if I had been up on that stage it would have gone a little something like this....

Yes I'm almost 30...Yes I'm Single...and Yes I struggle!!!! I wake up every day Praising God for a beautiful day. I laugh a lot, I hang out with my friends, and work really hard. However, I come home to a lot of things My daughter, My family and my household duties await. So I'm busy..I stay busy for a reason. The nights can be lonely...and temptation is always around the corner. But does that stop me from walking in my faith..Heck NO. Does that cause me to question where I am at in my life and what God is doing in my life...Heck NO.

It does however cause me to say...I like cuddling...I like kissing...I like physical closeness and I like sex. From that I conclude...being single sucks sometimes. Its really really hard and I struggle. GOOD NEWS IS.....God Loves ME anyways!!!! He loves my heart, my mind, my soul and my everything. So in those nights that are lonely or those times that temptation is right around the corner...I have His love to hold on too.

I hope if you're reading this and you struggle with any of the same topics I wrote about...you feel encouraged. Encouraged to know you are NOT alone in struggles and you are not alone in the loneliness of the night. Be encouraged to know that some where there maybe a man or a woman that prays for you and hopes to one day share in the beauty of marriage with you. And if that person never comes be Encourage to know God understands your Struggles and Loves You anyways.

 God bless my married friends that did wait...I cannot tell you how proud of you I am.

In HIS Grip,

Sarahlynn

Welcome

Oh how should I start this blog...Well my name is Sarahlynn I am a Christian woman doing my best to live my life for God. Some days are easier then others...I'm about to be 30 and I have found my biggest struggle is waiting on God for "Mr. Right" I decided to write this blog not only to document where I see God working in my life through out the next year...but also I hope to encourage and maybe connect with other women who have the same struggles as I do. I can promise you that I am in no way PERFECT and I would never claim to be...but through Jesus I am Loved.

So, here are my goals for this blog to not date for at least 6 months and lean on God in those moments of struggle, loneliness and temptation. There will be a lot of prayer during this time..cause summer is coming and a girl just wants to have fun right! Either way here is what I have done to prepare myself for this...I have blocked a lot of numbers...ever wake up in the morning and have text from guys you haven't talk to in awhile and go...hmmm wonder what they were hoping for at 2am!!! I have told my dear friends to hold me accountable and like I said before I have gone to prayer about this a lot.

If you ever have questions or comments I welcome them and encourage all women to stand up for themselves and wait on God.

God Bless Beautiful Woman of God!!!

Sarahlynn