Angry with God...He Loves Me Anyways

Dear Blog Friends,

The last couple of weeks have been a rough ones for me. I have been struggling in my faith and very angry with God...Or at least the situation at the moment. I received news that I knew would be coming sooner or later, but still rocked my world. For the last two plus years I have been holding onto hope that God would move this really big mountain in my life. This mountain was keeping someone I loved a lot out of my life and the only way to have this person back was if God were to move the "mountain" between us.


However, the hope I had of this happening was lost a few weeks ago. At first I was in shock and numb to any emotions that had to do with this situation. After, a few days I became really angry. At first I didn't realize I was angry about it or that I was angry with God about it. Once I did come to this realization I had two options. Sit in my anger and pout or move forward with God and heal from it all. Lets just say I spent a few days pouting.

I knew what I was feeling were the different stages of grief that come with a death or a loss. However, I didn't know when or where I would move from anger to grief to acceptance. God did though and He was with me ever step of the way even though I wasn't ready to talk to Him yet.

One morning I was listening to Pandora Radio when a song came on that helped me to hear from God. In the mist of the song God broke the chains of anger that were holding me down. I sat in my car and cried at the loss of my loved one, loss of hope for his return, and the loss of a future together. I was overcome with emotion and it felt amazing to release the anger that had been building up inside of me.

Here are the Lyrics 

By Your Side 
By Tenth Ave North

 

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Amazing.....Right! I never turned away from God even when I was extremely angry. Instead I actually turned towards Him. See God wants nothing more then a relationship with us. If I had pretending like everything was ok, God already knew that it wasn't. By me expressing my feelings and hurt in prayer, He was able to continue to Love me and draw near to me. He was by my side the entire time. His love is unfailing and unconditional. If you are ever struggling with being angry about a situation in your life that is unfair or hurtful...read these lyrics out loud and know that God is by your side. He will never let you go and He loves you more then anything. Stay obedient to Him and He will bless you even if the blessing doesn't have that really big mountain moved for you. In His Love,SarahlynnThis Blog is dedicated to Wesley and Ashley...may your engagement and marriage be filled with God in every way. May He bring you two more blessings then you could ever imagine and may your life together be light into the World.

Sex...Sex...Sex...

Lets talk about sex...shall we. On Saturday night I went to church and it simply amazing how God just knows me all to well. Anyways, the topic at church was single and sex...there was some other stuff in there as well, but for me sex and single was what related to my current situation.

As I sat in the chair listening to the woman on stage talking about being 40, single, and enjoying every minute of it. I couldn't help but say you're full of it!!!!

There is no hiding that people having sex before marriage is considered "wrong" amongst the Christian community. However, the church is really good at pretending like its an easy thing to accomplish...waiting till marriage that is to have sex. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying go out and sex it up...what I'm saying is lets stop sugar coating it and lets start being real. I don't care who you are...if you have tasted the fruit at all ...ya want the fruit again. And there within lies the STRUGGLE!!!!

As this woman at church went on to say how she loved being single and how she "hears" sex is good in marriage that is. I wanted to say...who the heck is this encouraging? I don't feel refreshed or encouraged...I feel like she is either lying to me or to herself or maybe both. In the Bible Paul writes "but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corithians 7:9
I promised on this blog to always be real to myself and to you all. So here it goes...if I had been up on that stage it would have gone a little something like this....

Yes I'm almost 30...Yes I'm Single...and Yes I struggle!!!! I wake up every day Praising God for a beautiful day. I laugh a lot, I hang out with my friends, and work really hard. However, I come home to a lot of things My daughter, My family and my household duties await. So I'm busy..I stay busy for a reason. The nights can be lonely...and temptation is always around the corner. But does that stop me from walking in my faith..Heck NO. Does that cause me to question where I am at in my life and what God is doing in my life...Heck NO.

It does however cause me to say...I like cuddling...I like kissing...I like physical closeness and I like sex. From that I conclude...being single sucks sometimes. Its really really hard and I struggle. GOOD NEWS IS.....God Loves ME anyways!!!! He loves my heart, my mind, my soul and my everything. So in those nights that are lonely or those times that temptation is right around the corner...I have His love to hold on too.

I hope if you're reading this and you struggle with any of the same topics I wrote about...you feel encouraged. Encouraged to know you are NOT alone in struggles and you are not alone in the loneliness of the night. Be encouraged to know that some where there maybe a man or a woman that prays for you and hopes to one day share in the beauty of marriage with you. And if that person never comes be Encourage to know God understands your Struggles and Loves You anyways.

 God bless my married friends that did wait...I cannot tell you how proud of you I am.

In HIS Grip,

Sarahlynn

Welcome

Oh how should I start this blog...Well my name is Sarahlynn I am a Christian woman doing my best to live my life for God. Some days are easier then others...I'm about to be 30 and I have found my biggest struggle is waiting on God for "Mr. Right" I decided to write this blog not only to document where I see God working in my life through out the next year...but also I hope to encourage and maybe connect with other women who have the same struggles as I do. I can promise you that I am in no way PERFECT and I would never claim to be...but through Jesus I am Loved.

So, here are my goals for this blog to not date for at least 6 months and lean on God in those moments of struggle, loneliness and temptation. There will be a lot of prayer during this time..cause summer is coming and a girl just wants to have fun right! Either way here is what I have done to prepare myself for this...I have blocked a lot of numbers...ever wake up in the morning and have text from guys you haven't talk to in awhile and go...hmmm wonder what they were hoping for at 2am!!! I have told my dear friends to hold me accountable and like I said before I have gone to prayer about this a lot.

If you ever have questions or comments I welcome them and encourage all women to stand up for themselves and wait on God.

God Bless Beautiful Woman of God!!!

Sarahlynn